I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
as a side note pls kill me
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
