tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i've created a new STD.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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