hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
