Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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