Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
