the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize