me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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