CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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