the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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