I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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