$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
