How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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