I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
