it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
