fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
