Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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