He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
