Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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