I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
