I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
