we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
