Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
