I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
