i think i have two assholes
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
