I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
True strength comes from lack of pants
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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