His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
