were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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