I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
