my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
