Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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