I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
