im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
apparently the secret to your success is patron
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
