I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
