Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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