"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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