I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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