I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
