trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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