He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
