Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize