She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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