Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
