I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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