Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
