would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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