Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
