You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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