the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
