if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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