i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
