Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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