Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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