Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
