Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
