I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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