Since when is my name a synonym for head?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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