You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
