after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
