He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
