Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
