Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
