So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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