it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
