TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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