just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
