this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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