i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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