i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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