I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
