whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
