I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
