I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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