my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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