Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
