Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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