I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
