I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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