i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize