i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
