I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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