1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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