Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
